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April 23, 2021The Fourth Sunday of Easter is known as Good Shepherd Sunday. In the Gospel, Jesus identifies himself as the Good Shepherd. Jesus leads and cares for his sheep, eventually laying down his life for them, for us. He protects us from harm. Praise God that in Bishop Stephen Parkes we are blessed with a Good Shepherd who leads us with compassion and cares for our spiritual well-being. But in recent years we know some of our Church leaders have been like hired hands and have failed so miserably in their duty to protect our children.
This is a story of a man who was abused by his parish priest at the age of twelve. He kept it a secret until 2006, when I told his wife my story of childhood sexual abuse. “I consider this moment to be my primary act of recovery. We had been married over 12 years at that time, and I had never told her or anyone my story. I didn't want to introduce, verbally, what I viewed as a sick and depraved history into our marriage. Initially, I thought she would think differently of me, as her husband, as a provider, as a father to our children. Exhausted from the inner struggle, I decided to finally tell her. With tears streaming down my face, hands shaking and heart pounding, I told her.
Yet, Kathy didn't think differently of me. She responded to me with compassion, love, and understanding. To be able to share my story, which I had kept secret for over 30 years, and still feel safe and loved, was such a profound experience. I believe God's grace was among us. Soon after that, I told my parish pastor and with his encouragement and support, I felt comfortable reaching out to the Archdiocese of Chicago, where I began the Independent Review Board process.
Sharing my story has gone a long way to bring personal, heartfelt healing to me and my family over time. Healing our church community overall—and remaining focused on protecting all children from any kind of harm—requires all adults to give permission to children to tell a trusted adult if something happens to them, and it is imperative for the adults to actually believe the child. When I was young, I did not have this kind of permission to tell my parents what was happening to me, and I certainly did not trust their response. As an adult, I've since asked my parents, given how our family was at the time, would they believe me if I told them? With tears in their eyes, they said no, they wouldn't have believed me. They said they just didn't think their friend, especially being a priest, would do such things to their little boy.
My wife and I believe strongly in Catholic education, which is why we sent our kids to Catholic schools. Like so many parents, I supported my children and school by volunteering on campus. I served on the school Athletic Board. To be eligible to volunteer, I attended, along with my fellow parishioners, the mandatory training program, which was Protecting God's Children. To be truthful, being a childhood sexual abuse survivor, who was groomed by my abuser priest, and who was intimidated and frightened by his elevated stature within the parish community, I initially felt I had so much terrible experience that I could be the one leading the workshop.
I was wrong. The workshop was bigger than me and my personal experiences.
I discovered the goal of the workshop is to change the parish culture from silence to open discussion. I totally support this. My abuser had been able to take advantage and hurt me and other children because parents, staff, employees, and other fellow priests were unable, or unwilling, to talk about it. Knowing my abuser thrived in the silence, I support an open dialogue that can help protect children from harm. Additionally, anyone who is thinking of abusing a child, to be sure, will have to consider the openness and willingness of our parish community to speak up and act. Educating all adults who have contact with children in the best practices of child safety is paramount to preventing the abuse or neglect of children.”
Bringing the Gospel Home: How is the Lord calling me to guide, nurture, and care for others?